Yesterday at work one of my co-workers showed me a picture of her kids misbehaving and asked me, "are you sure you want kids?"
This isn't the first time I've been asked this question either. People will point out how tired they are and how "lucky" we are to not share in their tiredness. I had a friend make a comment once, "how do you expect to go to bed on time when you have kids? you'll never survive it." because we were leaving early so Steve could go to bed when he had to get up at 4am.
There are other comments too. About teething and diapers and colic. How expensive everything in the world is. Or, my favourite, how we might as well do everything we want now because if we have kids we won't ever be able to do anything we want ever again.
Here's the thing though. If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't have spent the last three years being poked and prodded and doing everything in my power to figure a way around my infertility.
And, the people that complain and give us all the reasons not to have kids are the same people that will turn around a second later and tell you how their kids are the best thing that ever happened to them.
Parenting, much like life, comes with good and bad. Would I literally ask my kid to poop on me? No. Is there a good chance they will at some point in their lives? Probably. But it's okay. Poop washes down the drain. Teething, diapers and colic eventually end too. There are so many stages and phases and exciting things to look forward to too.
Yes, I'm sure I want kids. I'm pretty sure my infertility is not directly impacted by that, because if want was the real cure I'd have a dozen.
I really hate when people say things like that. Yes of course having kids comes with challenges and it's worth every minute. It's also very insensitive to say those things to a woman in the trenches of infertility.
ReplyDeleteSome people are so clueless!! You should ask them to think of something they really really really want in life and it needs to be realistic and then tell them they can't have it or that if they can they have to wait until the time is right while completely uprooting their life trying... And guess what - they still won't get it! I'm sorry people are so dumb!!
ReplyDeleteWell said!
ReplyDeleteOh, how I hate these comments. I'm not sure if people say them to ease the pain or out of undue jealousy, but they're annoying and insensitive all the same. I completely agree with you is that these are exactly the same people who would say that the children are the best thing that ever happened to them, how raising children is the hardest job they love, and other cliches. Yes, parenting is hard, but there are very few people who truly regret having children, so unless you're one of them, don''t ask me if I'm sure I want children. It's not funny and not cute.
ReplyDelete