I always had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that we would have trouble conceiving. I'm not sure why but I always thought that was the case. I remember going for a CT in 2011 and telling the tech there was no way I was pregnant because I wasn't even sure if I could ever get pregnant (again?).
But still, when I went back to school six short weeks after our miscarriage in 2010, I went back on the pill and we were very adamant about waiting to have kids until I was done school. I finished my diploma and I got a good job and we started thinking.. hey maybe it's time. It wasn't long before we realized things weren't quite normal.
When I decided to go back to school full time for a final eight months (squeeeeee) we decided to continue trying as we were still experiencing dreadfully long cycles and we had just seen our family doctor and put things in motion to see specialists.
I've come to a few realizations over the last little while:
I didn't want to stop trying. I honestly wanted that baby from our first pregnancy three years ago. I've always wanted to be a mom. I went back to school so I could help support our family so I could be a mom. It's my dream. I would give anything.
Life is short. And tragic. and bad things happen all the time to good people and I don't want to regret anything. I don't want to wait too long and have something turn our lives upside down and change everything. I don't want to be sitting here one day thinking I wasted our changes. In the last week we have gotten news that Steve's dad's brain tumor is growing again and we have seen a friend's family torn apart by a tragic accident.
And lastly, we're ready. I'd like to think I was ready at 23 but maybe I wasn't. But I know I'm ready now. I'm an adult. I've had my selfish fun. I've enjoyed my first three years of marriage as a twosome (+kitties!) and now I'm ready to expand that. I love my husband so much and he's so amazing. He's going to be such a great dad and I want to see that.
I'll be done my in class schooling in April. I will have two four month co-ops left for my degree. It could easily take us another year or more to conceive even if we don't stop trying. We have the endocrinologist. I finally got a call back for the gynecologist (end of February >.>).
I want to get all the testing and the trying done now so if we have to go another route, be it IUI or IVF or whatever, we'll be ready for it. I don't want to start this process in a year or two because it's already taken so long. We've been actively trying for thirteen months/eight cycles and seeing my doctor for six months and my endocrinologist for two already. If it's going to take us two years or three years or ten years I don't want to extend that time any longer.
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