It's been a year since I started to blog about our infertility journey.
Most of the days are fine, and easy. We have a plan. We have a goal. In theory, that plan leads to the goal. We have a system. The timing is practically perfect. We have a plan and I'm okay with the plan. It makes sense. It's achievable.
And then there are days like today. I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm scared. I'm nervous. I want to lock my office door and cry and I'm not really sure why. I'm scared for the MRI in October and what they will find, for the ultrasound in September and what they will find. I apparently only have half a uterus and didn't even know that was possible. What's next? How does this even happen? Why did it happen to us? to me?
My last cycle was one giant mess that ended up with no ovulation and I'm pretty sure the only reason it ended was because I took some metformin on the off chance it would help me ovulate and I had some left. I shouldn't worry about that, they plan on doing ovulatory support anyway.
I can't even picture us with a baby anymore. I can't see it. I always wanted to be a mom, I always saw myself as a mom. Even as a teenager, when everyone was saying they didn't want kids. I did. Obviously not right that second but I did. And now I'm sitting here and I'm wondering if that's even possible and I can't picture it anymore.
I'm not giving up, I can't give up. I'm just not sure how to shake this.
Always here if you need me. Remember that. You WILL be a Mom. You will. You have to stay positive. I KNOW it's hard. Trust me. I went through it all. But you WILL.Do not give up!
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