Why I changed my name when I got married
This topic seems to be appearing all over Facebook lately and I kind of want to address it.
Changing your name is a very personal decision. I know people who did, people who didn't and people who hyphenated. I think it should be a choice. I don't think anyone should feel obligated to change their name, I mean really, it's YOUR name. You pick.
That being said here is my story as to why I chose to change my name.
Steve and I started OFFICIALLY dating in July 2009. Steve swore up and down that we would never get married, it just wasn't in the cards for him (ahahah I know right) and that if it was something I was dead set on then I needed to move on so to speak. He never really outright said that but he definitely implied it.
I went back and forth for a while and came to one question, if I had the relationship I have with Steve was it worth throwing away for the possibility of being married to someone else simply because they WOULD marry me? (I am loving all caps today, I should apologize..) In short the answer was No. In long, there are plenty of people who are married and don't have a good relationship and don't have the husband I have in my boyfriend who is willing and ready to do anything for me, who loves me unconditinally, who is there for me, supportive and loving and really perfect for me. So in long, No it wasn't worth throwing away.
Fast forward a few months to when we were living together.
Steve and I were sitting on the couch talking about kids if we were to have them and out of nowhere I said, "well I think I'd like to be married when I have kids."
Hahaha. Picture the look on his face.
But I went on to explain to him WHY I felt that way. I see a family as a team in a way, a unit. And I want to share a name with my kids and my husband to show the world we are that team. I want to have the same name as my children so there is no question they belong to me. I see it as a sense of unity and as a huge part of family.
Steve proposed to me not long after that in Dec 2009 and we were married in October 2010.
It was never a question to me of if I was going to change my name. It was something I planned on doing when the opportunity arose. Steve didn't really care if I changed my name, he said it was up to me from the get go. And we even joked about him taking my name at one point (and sometimes I think it would have been fun if he did!) but he always made sure that it was my choice.
I don't think there is anything wrong with not changing your name. I have some sort of irrational fear of hyphenated names but I don't mind them on other people (for me it was like... what if I hyphenate my name and my kids names and then they marry someone with hyphenated names and decide to hyphnate? Really? Plus it would have been Glover-Harris and that just sounds weird to me).
It should be up to you what you want your name to be. Some people just know, like I did, and some people struggle with it. And some people change their mind later on (and guess what, you can!)
But when it came down to it for me there wasn't really a choice. I just knew what I wanted to do :).
I don't think I tell enough stories on here about my marriage or my relationship with Steve. I think that needs to change!
Changing your name is a very personal decision. I know people who did, people who didn't and people who hyphenated. I think it should be a choice. I don't think anyone should feel obligated to change their name, I mean really, it's YOUR name. You pick.
That being said here is my story as to why I chose to change my name.
Steve and I started OFFICIALLY dating in July 2009. Steve swore up and down that we would never get married, it just wasn't in the cards for him (ahahah I know right) and that if it was something I was dead set on then I needed to move on so to speak. He never really outright said that but he definitely implied it.
I went back and forth for a while and came to one question, if I had the relationship I have with Steve was it worth throwing away for the possibility of being married to someone else simply because they WOULD marry me? (I am loving all caps today, I should apologize..) In short the answer was No. In long, there are plenty of people who are married and don't have a good relationship and don't have the husband I have in my boyfriend who is willing and ready to do anything for me, who loves me unconditinally, who is there for me, supportive and loving and really perfect for me. So in long, No it wasn't worth throwing away.
Fast forward a few months to when we were living together.
Steve and I were sitting on the couch talking about kids if we were to have them and out of nowhere I said, "well I think I'd like to be married when I have kids."
Hahaha. Picture the look on his face.
But I went on to explain to him WHY I felt that way. I see a family as a team in a way, a unit. And I want to share a name with my kids and my husband to show the world we are that team. I want to have the same name as my children so there is no question they belong to me. I see it as a sense of unity and as a huge part of family.
Steve proposed to me not long after that in Dec 2009 and we were married in October 2010.
It was never a question to me of if I was going to change my name. It was something I planned on doing when the opportunity arose. Steve didn't really care if I changed my name, he said it was up to me from the get go. And we even joked about him taking my name at one point (and sometimes I think it would have been fun if he did!) but he always made sure that it was my choice.
I don't think there is anything wrong with not changing your name. I have some sort of irrational fear of hyphenated names but I don't mind them on other people (for me it was like... what if I hyphenate my name and my kids names and then they marry someone with hyphenated names and decide to hyphnate? Really? Plus it would have been Glover-Harris and that just sounds weird to me).
It should be up to you what you want your name to be. Some people just know, like I did, and some people struggle with it. And some people change their mind later on (and guess what, you can!)
But when it came down to it for me there wasn't really a choice. I just knew what I wanted to do :).
I don't think I tell enough stories on here about my marriage or my relationship with Steve. I think that needs to change!
I agree that is it a personal decision on whether to change your name, but I think it can be dishonoring to your husband to not change it..... it is like starting your marriage saying "I want things my way, and not yours" right from the get go. I know this is not the intention of every women and some do it for other family reasons, but I love that you changed yours and I can see your heart and that really wasn't even something to consider bc of the love you had for your husband, so sweet!
ReplyDeleteI really feel it's one of those things that really brings the whole idea of family together :) For me it was a way of showing that we are a family! I just hate the idea of people feeling forced into it. Changing your name is like changing your identity almost, but being Steve's wife is a huge part of who I am and I am proud to reflect that in my name. :)
DeleteI had the same reason for choosing hyphenation over keeping my maiden name. I knew with his family we'd get hell if the kids took my last name, and I didn't want to have a different name from my kids. But I'd already made somewhat of a name for myself as a teenager as a competitive figure skater, and as a feminist I was never down with the family taking the man's name when the woman often does most of the work of raising the kids. So I settled on hyphenated, and my husband "hyphenated" his too - took my last name as a hyphen to his middle name. Not legally though because that was just too much work - it couldn't be done as part of the marriage certificate as my name change was.
ReplyDeleteWe've always agreed our kids will have just his last name, because it is unsustainable in our minds for kids to have hyphenated names. What happens why they get married?
I love that our names have each other's in them, and don't like it when people drop the second part of my hyphenated last name.
Now that it's been 7 years, I sometimes think I should have just taken his name to keep things simple. It does get tiring when people ask for you last name and you give them two and they think you didn't hear them and that only the second part is your last name.